Three Sues and the Blitz Team
by XNemesis
Summary: Inspired by the hundreds of NC/0 Sues and their silly zoids. 3 Mary Sues get their just desserts.


The Sues in this fic are based after all of the Mary Sues I've seen about NC/0 on the pit. They have ludicrously impossible zoids, and generally try to upstage the canon characters in every way. But in the end, they get what's coming to them. The PPC make a cameo appearance.

Also, there's a really, really vague slightly slashy reference in here. Mainly because, at least as I see it, Leon Toros is completely obsessed with Bit. Seriously, in every episode that they're in together, Leon is all like "Bit, you have so much potential! your're so amazing!". Am I crazy for seeing this?

Three Sues and the Blitz Team

* * *

"Brad, mobilizing Shadowfox!"

"Bit, all set to mobilize Liger Zero!"

"Leena here, mobilizing Gunsniper!"

The three zoids landed on the battlefield. The Liger let out a resounding roar, as the team prepared for the battle. Bit looked to where the opposing team was standing, and was momentarily blinded.

Opposite the Blitz team stood three zoids, all an obscene shade of sparkly hot pink. One looked vaguely like a Trinity Liger; the second might have at some point been a Gunsniper; while the third looked somewhat like the Shadowfox, only well, it wasn't. All three had arsenals that, on any canon character's zoid, would have been impossible. Unfortunately, however, it did not appear that the Sues' zoids would simultaneously collapse under the weight of their own improbable arsenal and freeze due to an information overload in the combat system.

"Even I wouldn't want to buy zoids like that," Doc noted idly. "Even if they came in a different color, they're still ridiculous."

"Dad, even the Backdraft Group wouldn't want those zoids," Leena pointed out.

With an earth-shattering bang, the judge capsule slammed into the earth nearby. The capsule rose up and opened. The judge looked at the two opposing teams and let out a sigh. "Stupid Sues! Their sparkly pink glowy stuff makes my visor fritz out," it pouted. Rotating around, it scanned the field, and announced, "The area within a 5 mile radius is a designated zoid battlefield. This zone is now restricted; only competitors and personnel have authorized entry. Danger, all others must leave the area at once. Area scanned; battlefield set up: the Blitz team vs. the Sparklypoo team, battle mode 0982. Ready, fight!"

"Exactly why are we fighting this team? We're in class S. They're only in class A! Anyway, they're seriously creepy," Leena said with a huge sigh, attempting to shield her eyes from the blinding pinkness of the three enemy zoids.

"They're Mary Sues," Bit explained, "Logic and rules don't apply to them. Why are all of their zoids such a horrible color though? Is that how they win then? Blinding the enemy team's pilots." He closed his eyes, trying to get them to work properly again.

"Why did we even bother to show up? We should just tell the judge we surrender. The same thing that happens every time we fight Mary Sues is going to happen here. It doesn't matter how much of a rookie team they are, what their rank is, or how skilled they are at piloting zoids, they'll win using the magical power of Mary Sue-ness regardless," Brad grumbled, looking bored. "I hate being used as a plot device by Mary Sues."

Suddenly, a shrill voice cut their conversation short. "I don't care who you are or what your rank is!! We're going to beat you so that I can impress my Leon!!" The Sue looked like, well, a Mary Sue, with her gorgeous long blue hair, flawless skin, headache inducing color-changing eyes, and perfect figure.

"Looks like they're going after your brother, Leena," Brad muttered.

"Surprise, surprise!" she replied. "What part about him practically obsessing over Bit do they fail to notice?"

"Oh well, I'm sure those weird assassin people will come and dispose of them before too long," Bit said. "Or at least before Leena has a new sister-in-law." Bit paused briefly, before hastily adding, "And he does not obsess over me."

"Right, what planet have you been living on? And I better not end up with one of them as a sister-in-law." she replied.

"Are they going to attack or what? I mean the battle started five minutes ago, and we've been sitting here waiting for them to do their thing so that we can get on with our lives," Jamie asked curiously.

"Maybe we're supposed to beat them after all…you know become their rivals or some shit like that," Leena muttered.

"As if I'm going to play along for that one, "Bit said with a snort. "I mean I've had a lot of rivals since I started zoid fighting, and it would just be insulting to Jack, Leon, Stoller, and the others to compare these three idiots with them."

"HERE I GO!! TRINITY BLADE STRIKE LASER VULCAN CHARGED PARTICLE CANNON CLAW ATTAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!" the lead Mary Sue screamed, "MY TRINITY LIGER FURY WRATH IS THE SUPERIOR ULTIMATE X!! ADMIT IT BIT CLOUD!!" The violently pink zoid pounced on the Liger Zero, taking the unmoving zoid down.

"I think my eardrums just exploded," Bit whimpered, clutching his head in pain, as the Mary Sue attacked the Liger Zero. He sighed, seeing the words "Command System Freeze" appear on the monitor in front of him. "As if that pink Trinity Cheese Liger could possibly be an Ultimate X, I am insulted on the behalf of both the Liger Zero and the Berserk Fury."

"My Gunsniper, specially customized so that it can be used in both long and close range combat, as well as reaching speeds up to mach 15, is clearly superior to yours, Leena Toros. You don't stand a chance!!" the second Mary Sue chimed in as she fired all of her ammo at Leena's zoid.

"Ha! Mach 15, what a joke! The only zoids that have ever gone anywhere near that fast were Stormsworders, and they were, according to all records, equipped with some pretty monstrous boosters. Honestly, you Mary Sues get more ridiculous by the day," Leena exclaimed. She glanced at the monitor, and glared. "Go easy on the merchandise will you! I didn't even fight back; you hardly had to go all out. It costs a lot of money to repair these things you know."

"Jack will surely love me for this!!" the Sue cried out, starry eyed. Leena noted that the starry effect made her purple-pink eyes clash even more with her silvery hair than it had before.

"Anyway," she muttered to herself, "I thought I was supposed to be the crazy one who used up all of her ammo on a single zoid."

"And now!! HYPER LASER GLITTER STRIKE CLAW!! GO SHADOWFIRE PINK SPARKLEFOX!! YOU"RE GOING DOWN SHADOWFOX!! WITH THIS ACT, I, ILIANNA GWENDOLYN RAINFIRE, WILL PROVE MY WORTHINESS FOR YOUR LOVE BRAD, MY DARLING!!" the third Sue screamed, frothing slightly at the mouth.

"Sparklefox," Brad twitched slightly at sight of the ludicrous zoid and the Sue within it. In a wave of pink glitter light, the Shadowfox fell. Brad glared in the Sue's general direction. "There had better not be a single atom of that pink shit on my zoid," he snarled.

"And the winner is: the Sparklypoo team!" the judge announced. It quickly left the battlefield, glad to be away from the Sues and their blindingly awful zoids.

* * *

"What's this, the Blitz team lost to some class A team?" Naomi wondered aloud. She and Leon were sitting in a crowded café watching the zoid fight with clear disbelief. A large number of people were staring at the screen in shock. A dismayed murmur filled the room, as people wondered who would be next on the Sues' list of teams to defeat.

Nearby, the Zabrefangs groaned, knowing that if the Sues ever saw them, they would be called the Fuzzy Pandas yet _again_.

"Oh well," Leon replied, "The other team was clearly a bunch of Mary Sues. I mean come on, the 'Trinity Liger Fury Wrath,' what a complete joke. Poor Bit, I hope h—I mean the Liger Zero is all right."

"And that ridiculous Gunsniper!" Naomi agreed, snickering at her team mate's blunder, "It almost makes me want to take back everything I've ever said about your sister's zoid."

"Almost?"

"Well, seeing how it can't possibly be a real zoid, I see no reason to actually go through with it," she conceded with a smirk. "But the poor Shadowfox!"

"I know. Brad's going to have a hard time getting that pink stuff off of his zoid," Leon laughed. "Trust me, I should know," he added darkly.

"I hope those assassins take care of them soon. They were after us, in case you haven't noticed," a new voice cut in.

Naomi and Leon looked up to see Jack Sisco standing there. "Of course they will. I vaguely remember hearing them say once that they can kill the Sues after a major break in canon, and a rookie class A team with improbable zoids defeating the class S Blitz team is definitely counts as that," said Naomi.

"Hell, a class A team even being allowed to fight the Blitz team should count," Leon added.

* * *

Back at the battle site, the three Sues were getting out of their zoids. As the third Sue was exiting her zoid's cockpit, she saw Brad standing beside the Shadowfox surveying the damage, and took a flying leap from her zoid. "BRAD MY DEAREST BISHIE DARLING!! I WUUUUUUUUV YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!" she screeched.

Happily, she did not succeed in glomping poor Brad, as she had misjudged the distance between them and crashed head first into the ground, which, naturally, killed her instantly. Two shots sounded, and the Sues who were still standing collapsed, large bloody wounds in their heads.

Two strangers strode forward, both carrying high powered rifles. They wore matching black uniforms with the insignia of a potted cactus on their shoulders. Leena grinned when she saw them gathering the late Sues' remains.

"You should feed them to the Berserk Fury," Bit said brightly, "I'm sure Vega wouldn't mind using them as target practice."

"Well, actually I was thinking about going back into Chaotic Century and feeding them to the Deathsaurer, but that's also a good idea," the taller of the two replied agreeably. In the background, the Sues' zoids fell apart and disappeared.

"Now, please look this way," the second assassin instructed. Brad, Bit and Leena all looked at the agents, and a bright white light flashed in their eyes.

"None of this happened. Your zoids were damaged by Dr. Laon's latest revenge attempt," the first one said. Then, the two agents disappeared through their portal with the three Sues.

"Well," Leena said, sounding rather confused, "I'm not sure exactly what just happened, something about Dr. Laon trying to get revenge on dad again, but let's get our zoids into the hover cargo and get out of here." The other two nodded, turning back to their zoids.

"Why the hell is there sparkly pink stuff on my zoid?" Brad demanded as the hover cargo rolled up beside them.

* * *

I'll love you forever if you review. Concrit is very welcome.


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